Cobain

Last night I felt like photoshopping, but as I had no internet I ended up mucking around with my desktop picture (Nirvana [I like it because Cobain is in a cheerleader outfit and Grohl's leather shirt doesn't fit]). This was the result. Unfortunately, the caption came to me in a short-lived moment of clarity and now I don't remember what the deeper meaning was supposed to be.

I Was a Kangaroo Being Chased by a Dinosaur in a Mall Last Night

I just rediscovered this almost forgotten blog, and would like to place a piece of mindtrash onto it.

Last night I dreamed I was a kangaroo being chased by three T-rexs in a shopping mall. It wasn't fun; not a scary dream, but definitely a frustrating dream, because no matter how much I tried to run or hide, they kept finding me again. Even when I leapt down whole flights of escalators, they would make a very dramatic roar and fling their tiny arms around and jump down right behind me, their massive teeth almost crushing me.

Someone had set them on me, but I don't remember that part of the dream, (the part that gives explanation). I DO remember I finally escaped the mall to the outdoor city, where the crowds of people and intricate streets made it harder for them to smell me and hone in. I was human at this point, not a kangaroo. I thought I should get in a taxi, so I did so, and that helped me escape them even further. Another taxi, and damn, I realized the three people in the taxi were the T-rexes in their human form. Fortunately, they couldn't recognize me or smell me as humans, so I just had to keep up the ruse.

Turns out the three T-rexes ran a guitar/metal band store on a small street in that city, and I thought of a great way to fool them. They walked out one day, wondering why their usual hangers-on weren't around, and they discovered I had opened a 'green' environmentally friendly 'rock metal' store just down the street! Our 'green' guitars attracted all those young hippies, and the store was also spiritual. So they walk out of their store with the thrasher metal playing and find a bunch of young Christians belting songs to Jesus into a microphone down the street. Business was booming; I'd covered the Jesus-lovers and the green-nuts.

The T-rexes went out of business.

Awesomeness

Alright, so I just saw a talk by Dennis Cass, former Carleton grad/journalist/author/blogger, about being awesome. So awesome that employers can't not notice you and give you a job. Now, Earflaps is well on the path of awesomeness. This was even mentioned in the talk.

Anyway, it was very motivating for me to blog about this talk, 'cause being awesome would be really... well... great. So, yeah... thats all I've got... a whole lot of awkward with a tiny bit of awesome.

Doctor Dave and Steve

One particularly harsh winters eve, Retrosweater felt compelled to write this skit. She was inspired by an awesome dinner conversation with Spacesocks.

Doctor Dave enters the room

D: Oh, hello… looks down at file… Mr. Stevens
S: Yeah, you can call me Steve. Um, where’s Dr. Susan?
D: Oh well, I really couldn’t tell you. I guess that’s one of those things that’s up to your and your supposed “beliefs”… I mean, I’d like to think that it all just ends and that our bodies are simply fertilizer- to provide for the nature from whence we came.
S: OH, oh my.. she’s… I’m so sorry to hear that!
D: Don’t be sorry big smile I mean, you didn’t kill her or anything. Wink.
S: Uhhh horrified
D: Anyway, Steve, I’m looking at your file here. It seems you came in for a really bad cold?
S: Yeah, I’ve had it for weeks and was starting to get worried.
D: Well, Steve, its good that you came in.
S: Yeah? Alarmed
D sits down and leans forward meaningfully
D: Steve, now, we humans go through life never really knowing when it’ll all end and constantly fearing that death is lurking around every corner. You know what I mean, Steve?
S: Uh, I guess? Shakes head ‘no’
D: Well, Steve, you’re a really lucky guy. You now know that you have exactly five days before you.. you know? Bite the proverbial dust. Broad smile.
S: Wha- What!?
D: Now, Steve, this is no reason to panic. I’m pretty much certain that this happens all the time, there comes a time in every man’s life when he does die.
S: But… I…freaking out.
D: Now, Steve, as I see it, you have a couple of options. You could sit around and deteriorate into nothing. OR you could have the best damn week of your life! Arm punch
I mean, go out there and see what you’ve always wanted to see and try out all those sex positions your girlfriend would never let you try! Sky dive! Take all the risks you’d like to take and write some fucking letters!
S slowly gets more and more inspired. Shakes his head and jumps up.
S grabbing jacket and running out of the room: All right doc. I guess I’ll see you… never!
S starts to run off
D calling after: And I’ll see you in the obituaries!
D sits down looking pleased
Enter nurse
N: Doc, what was up with that Steve kid leaving in such a hurry? Anything wrong?
D: Well, Thelma, its just that I’m retiring next week and I thought I’d go out with a bang, if you know what I mean.
Skips out of the room.
N: Um… sure? shrugs

Clever, clever

To continue today's poetry theme, Spacesocks would like to share a poem she wrote with a friend at a math meet during her senior year of high school.

Clever, clever, nasty weather;
that’s why we must all wear leather,
or lacking that, then maybe pleather
unless you choose a coat of feather,
or tie on a furnace with a tether,
and then we’ll all stay warm together.

A List

Here is a list poem Retrosweater wrote for ninth grade english class. She read it out loud for "Father's Morning" and it was a big hit with everyone's dad but her own. Her dad had to step out for a conference call.

List Poem

Birthdays 

Big Macs

The city air

Video games

Moisture

Second hand smoke

Television

Sunlight

The carpet Fumes

Things 

That are slowly

Killing you

Poems that Earflaps wrote in middleschool

From a young age, you can see I displayed an innate proficiency with language.

----------------

Part 1

There once was a dancer named Earl

Who out on the stage liked to twirl

He thought this was fun,

So he spun and he spun

Until he was prompted to hurl

Part 2

Now it happened that Earl had a girl

Who witnessed his stomach unfurl

Mashed macaroni

And digested baloney

Convinced her to marry John Burl

--------------------------------------

I look at you and suddenly

Something in your face I see

Tells me you've got leprosy