RetroSweater is in INDIA

So, I was writing an e-mail to my dear friend, Earflaps, from my wonderful Newspaper Internship slash family visiting vacation in India.

Her response to my e-mail:

Retrosweater, you lazy ass! You take what you just wrote me, and you go put
that shit on our blog.

_____
Here goes:

I did celebrate the 4th of July, even though I'm not in the US.
I went out and got smashingly drunk with my host mom (or,
rather, the woman who I'm staying with while I do my internship).

I think I'm in love with her (in a 'please adopt me' or 'be my best
friend'-kind of way) and her family.

She's a single mom with a thirteen year old boy that she spoils
completely (who recently went off to boarding school in tears, but
comes home every weekend anyways). Also, her elderly mother also
living in their house and we have great conversations.

Man, if divorce seems tough in the US (which, it actually doesn't
really... unless one party makes it tough), it's an outright crime in
India... really really sucks for this woman. She's become the 'black
sheep' of her family and she constantly faces uphill battles with
institutions (school forms that ONLY ask for the father's name; the
fact that the fathers here don't have to help in any way in raising
children if there is a divorce) and people (who see her differently
because she is divorced) and a bleak dating scene.

But, she's one of those crazy-strong and hilariously funny people who
fights stubbornly (getting that one school to change the form to
'parent's name') and being successful (managing this state's branch
of the 'Female Condom Project' to promote safe-sex and prevent the
spread of HIV/AIDS) and raising a really cool kid.

Frankly, i like the people I'm staying with more than any of the
people I'm actually related (many of whom live in this city). This is
with the exception of my cousin Naveen, who put me in this house
because he thought his home was too small to accommodate me (which, at
first, I was really pissed off  about because it seems really silly,
I'm a small person... now I'm glad because I got to meet this lady and
her kid).

Anyway, last weekend I went to spend time with another cousin and her
two daughters, both of whom are my age. I left on Saturday afternoon
and it was assumed that I would stay until Monday morning. I was
really psyched because, other than work, I hadn't been able to see
people my age in the evenings or just to hang out.
Upon arrival I realized that there was no way in hell that i would
sleep there for two nights. Mostly because they treated me like I
was from space. They were a tiny bit mean about it too. They
assumed i didn't understand any Telugu, even though I told them that
I did... so they would talk about me, in front of me and laugh at
what they said IN A LANGUAGE I CAN UNDERSTAND! Every time I would say
some thing in Telugu, they would get all amused and 'aww thats so
cute', so I stopped. Instead I spoke only in English and pretended to
not understand what they were saying, which, half the time they would
whisper and speak really quickly to each other RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
and I really didn't understand them. Then they were really really
patronizing. Like, I ended up naming the younger cousin (who is
exactly my age and speaks great English) 'Capt. Obvious' because she
would keep pointing to foods and objects that I KNOW and tell me
their names. Worst example, while on a bus, she points out the window:
"That is a fruit Maar-ket, there they sell fruits."
I was like, 'right, thanks, I can see'

Ugh, and I have to go back next weekend again... Sat through
Monday... 'cause more relatives are going to meet me there (which is
nice, I just can't stand these people who are my age).

Oh, and at the house, the Capt. showed me some 200 pictures (she
called them "pics") on the computer OF HERSELF... then occasionally,
especially if there were other people in the picture, she would turn
to  me and ask "can you tell which is me?"
And I'd think, hmm... well.. I know you... and I've already seen
about forty pictures of you, during which you would point and say,
"this is me"... hmm... maybe I'll use the process of freaking
elimination. Or maybe I'll just assume that you're the one that looks
like YOU! WHICH IS CRAZY! 'Cause you're weird looking.

Once I had the strong desire to get really really serious and worried
and ask "if you're in the picture, how can you also be sitting here?"

Maybe next time.

Now, I'll get back to work.
Peace,

Retrosweater (your resident American Born Confused Desi- ABCD)