Survey says... Internet beats Sex!

I just read this article in the NYtimes, and I can't say that I'm surprised. Since Earflaps actually practiced Interweb-abstinence for a term, I wanted to post about it and get reactions from our bloggers and readers.

-RS

PS: The Comments on the linked article are definitely the best part. For example: "When Viagra fails, the Internet is there, providing meaning to meaningless lives."

and

"The Internet *is* my source of sex."

Nopants and Outlet Maps

Hey folks. So yesterday morning, I walked into the kitchen still groggy from waking up and the conversation between me and my dad goes like this.

d: YOU NEVER WEAR NO PANTS ANYMORE
me: Huh? Yeah I do
d: Not since you've been home.... well... I guess this is better than when all you wore were those baggy gangster jeans and thought you were going to be a soccer player hahaa! Now you wear no pants! No pants heeheheee.

ATROCITY! I never wore baggy gangsta jeans! Oh, and yeah THANKS FOR SHATTERING MY DREAMS DAD! Now my parents are calling me Nopants. I guess that's healthy if you don't want your daughter to practice abstinence. Fine.

Since I came home I have encountered something so horrible and traumatizing that I wouldn't want to subject anyone to this horror. Ok fine, well here goes. I have now fully realized the extent of...my mother's...

...OBSESSION WITH CHRISTMAS AND ALL THINGS HOLIDAY CHEER AAAAAHHHHRGG!

The minute I walked inside, it was like as if Santa fucking vomited everywhere in my house. Oh, and also took a mother lode of a crap. Gross.

I was coerced into putting up Christmas lights outside my house with my mother. She also drew a map of all the outlets that would need to be connected. Please observe and enjoy the image at the top.

We ran out of lights so the left side of my house looks great, and the right side looks like as if someone left to take a break and then just died.

Love, Nopants

The Video

Here it is - the result of over a year of obsessive editing and rendering on my computer. Over two years ago I tried to play a .wma file on VLC player, but instead of hearing music, I found myself mesmerized by pretty colors. So instead of packing for my trip back to college, I obsessively sat in my room (there was also a New Years party I was neglecting downstairs) and took screen vids of the flashy images.

The next few weeks I started making patterns in Final Cut, increasing the complexity to the point that I couldn't focus my eyes for hours at a time. My roommates remember - I did nothing else, late into the night. I layered in audio later - most of the tracks stem from the HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy Book on Tape and my brother playing guitar a la Audacity.

I don't know how good it is, but my best friend back home said it blew her mind. Of course, she later told me she'd been tripping on acid at the time, so...yeah. But still.

- Eaflaps

P.S. Please don't have seizures. And you should watch on YouTube full screen with audio cranked.

Defending marriage...against people who want to get married

Generation Mr. Rogers Episode 3: Seward's Folly

Jacob and Shilpa cover the amazing and awful parts of election night. Plus, we discuss how Alaska is crazy- I think this might be a theme for this video blog.

Bush Admin="Hiring a Vegan to be your Butcher"

Stephen Colbert called Rachel Maddow "the Queen of Cable!" in his interview:



I love the geeky glasses. Way to go, Maddow!
...and here she is on the cover of The Advocate in amazing-newscaster suspenders:-RS

Dear Michael Crichton,

Thank you for your imagination and thank you for making obscure science and philosophy so freaking thrilling. Because of you, we will always fear blood clots and door-opening velociraptors .

You will be missed dearly.

-The Awkward Conversation Blog

Prop 8 Reactions

I was going to write some sort of rant in this post. However, before I could, I ran into Earflaps who was listening to earnest and sweet music. So today, instead of fighting with rants, I'm going to fight with love. Take that Proposition 8!




Richard Land, director of Southern Baptist Convention and friend/adviser to Bush said the following back in 2003 regarding gay marriage:
"In a representative democracy like the United Steste, if we believe that certain lifestyles should be affirmed and other lifestyles merely tolerated, we have a right to have that made into law. And that's not called a theocracy, it's just called a representative government"

Really? Is that what American democracy is about? Majority rule? What are your reactions?
Heres what Keith had to say:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27650743/
-RS

Generation Mr. Rogers 2

Jacob and Shilpa are back. They're here, on the eve of the Presidential Election, to talk about how Democrats are caught up in conservative rhetoric.

Topics discussed include: Gay rights, Iraq war and the economy.



Feel free to leave comments!

New Episode of Gen. Mr. Rogers, Coming Soon!

We know you're all on the edge of your seats waiting for a new episode of "Generation Mr. Rogers" - fear not, it's coming tonight.
To hold you over until then, here is what Fox News thinks about this whole Mr. Rogers thing:



Spacesocks would agree that they're stepping into another big-old logical fallacy: Correlation does not imply Causation.
Video Bloggers Jacob and Shilpa, however, were thrilled that Fox News called them "ruined."

To them, it means they're doing something right.

Insults ≠ ad hominem fallacy

Hate to go all logic-nerd on you guys (well, actually I don't, but whatever).

Anyway, I recently ran across a misuse of the term "ad hominem attack," and I thought it would be nice to broadcast how the term ought to be used.

The argumentum ad hominem is an informal fallacy. It goes something like this.
A: "Spacesocks says that in a true ad hominem, one attempts to undermine another person's argument by attacking the character of the person making the argument, rather than by addressing the substance of the argument."
B: "That can't be true, because Spacesocks is a liberal elitist. She wants the government in charge of our health care! Clearly, you can't believe a word she says."

It's true that ad hominem arguments almost universally involve insults, but not every insult is fallacious, even in a rhetorical context:
A: "Michele Bachmann thinks we should investigate members of Congress to identify the ones who hold anti-American views."
B: "Michele Bachmann is completely nuts."

What's the difference, you may ask?

In an ad hominem argument, one uses one's judgments about the arguer as a basis for condemning a position

In a non-fallacious insult, one uses judgments about the validity of a position as a basis for condemning the arguer.

The Harder They Fall, One and All

It seems like all my time spent talking about the elections these days are with young Dems who don't want to 'jinx' it by showing optimism.
I thought this article in the New York Times explained that this sentiment is widespread among Obama supporters. This cute article had me at the title and won me over with the great pictures of hesitant Democrats:


If nothing else, Obama supporters should win for being adorable... and not wanting to shoot moose.

Anyway, this article especially struck a chord because I was recently subjected to the self-indulgent and infinitely depressing Micheal Moore documentary, Slacker Uprising.
This is a movie about the Bush-Kerry race- with Micheal Moore traveling across the country with celebrities and propaganda- trying to get young people/"slackers" to vote. His efforts were challeneged by the Bush campaign (they said that bribing people to vote with free underwear and ramen noodles was illegal)- but Moore prevails with his free speech.
This movie was pretty much a downer - I watched it because it was free on iTunes and a girl wanted me to watch it with her... she was a really really really cute girl. Because of this, I was able to make it through the whole movie without crying.

Kerry lost. The slackers didn't make a difference. Today is different, though.

Obama is actually more charismatic than an Ent and change is in the air. I can smell it.
*knock on wood*
This isn't up to the jinx laws, people- it's up to us and voting... and we finally have a candidate who doesn't need Micheal Moore to get people's attention...
(though if Obama wants to send Scarlett Johansson to our school again, it wouldn't hurt.)

-RS

Capitalism: A Fictional Island of Dinosaurs

Upon recent surfing of Facebook, I read a very brave 'note.' This friend of mine, a young, black man explained why he was considering voting for John McCain. Most of it had to do with experience, perhaps a desire to sustain the old ways of foreign policy failure... however, what really got me was the following sentence:
"[Plus,] Socialism scares me."
Whoa, and I guy running the country that doesn't understand a thing about the economy doesn't?!
*deep breath*
If socialism scares you, you're kind of a wuss. Socialism is the Little Red Riding Hood to Capitalism's Big Bad Wolf. And, do you really think we live in a free-market economy?
No. We don't. The government always plays a role, hopefully in the form of social protections.

American Capitalism is like Jurassic Park (stay with me here...). Allen Greenspan was that Hammond guy- I'm pretty sure he meant well, trying to cultivate dinosaurs without enough security, but it's coming back now to bite him in the ass. It's like the dinosaurs were in their respective areas, knowing that the fences would electrocute them if they left. Once the fences are off, it's only a matter of time before the T-Rex gets loose- the T-Rex is corporate America, and it's greedy and it's mean and it is all about destruction (and will eat your f-ing car!)
And who are they trying to eat? Well, everyone. However the kids running scared, they're the workers- without social protection the worker gets to churn away the rest of his days in the "Satanic Mill" inside the T Rex's belly.

And then you have the velociraptors and thats the... the..
Wow, this analogy has gotten completely out of control.
Basically what I'm saying is that McCain and Palin can't go charming the 'working man' with their faux-mavricky swagger just to abandon them for big oil. Greenspan already admitted he was wrong to allow so much unchecked greed in the free-market. And things have to change, they're going to. There will be reforms to the existing system, the world won't end, capitalism in America won't end. The richest percent of the population won't lose their yachts; our freedoms won't be lost and we'll all be better off for it.
Hey, maybe we'll even have affordable health care!
-RS

Generation Mr. Rogers! : Prop 8

Special guests Jacob and Shilpa contribute their views in form of a Political video Blog. They are from 'Generation Mr. Rogers' and come from the point of view of progressive student-types.
This is their first episode and they're talking about Proposition 8 and it's implications.

Snow in Minnesota and a Raid into Syria

Yesterday was a really lazy day for me. It was snowing outside (gross, I know!) and I didn't really want to do much of anything... except maybe sit around and watch movies... brain mush. Anyway, I'm sitting and being lazy and my Chemistry major roommate turns to me and says- "you know, we invaded Syria?"

And, I'm thinking "what?!" as well as grumbling to myself that the one day I don't glance over the Times headlines, we invade another country completely unexpectedly. AND on top of all that my smug Chem-major roommate knows about it before me (it's kind of my job to know about these things- I'm majoring in International Relations and Poli Sci!)

She rubs it in: "Oh, I just thought you would know about it..."

Grumbling, I abandon the episode of "West Wing" I was so pleasantly watching and race for my laptop.
I open up the New York Times. The top headline was about baseball. Now, I'm thinking- hey! I did read the news earlier today! The top headline was about football before!
I come back in tell my roommate that she's full o' crap. Turns out she read it on the BBC. There, the article is titled "'US Helicopter Raid' Inside of Syria".

I had to scroll down half the page to the small printed links to find it in the Times: "Syrians Blame US for Deadly Blast on Iraq Boarder"

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but those are two different stories reporting entirely different things. I've searched the Times and there is no actual article just about the blast- I suppose it's only 'newsworthy' if the US gets 'blamed.' (This story got to the top of the website this morning- hmm, it finally beat out the 'Four Homers by the Phillies'?)

Enough about journalism, though. The idea that we can chase down 'terrorists' into other countries is absurd. That is the nature of guerrilla warfare, they can break the rules- they can attack us and retreat... but we can't break those rules (like the rules set by the boarders of Syria or, in another war, Pakistan!). Breaking the rules makes a statement, antagonizes the leaders and people... we're fighting a protracted 'War of the Flea', which we can't win by antagonizing the citizen base!

Ugh, read something military dudes!

On that note, also... to rant because I can.... and because this keeps coming up with the McCain campaign:
We did not lose the Vietnam war because of liberal, "Anti-Americans"- we lost because we were going to lose. We lost because we're a Democratic Republic and, as such, we have to answer to our population and thus are checked (ideally) from committing heinous crimes in other countries!
We lost because the other side had the experience and the will to fight a protracted war and we had no idea how to win.
I understand that it is an embarrassing chapter in American history. However, the military did not learn lessons from the war. Great books analyzing the situation were put aside for a game of 'blame the hippies' - and then, the military institution decide that the best way to deal with this kind of 'rules-less' war would be to just never get into one again.
Brilliant plan... and it would have worked too if it wasn't for those pesky NeoCons. Such a pain in the... uh.. face.

Alright, rant done.
I'm going to cut back on 'lazy days' even if it snows in October.

-RetroSweater out.

[UPDATE]: More info from the BBC. Rock on, BBC... even if your most read story is about a man getting stuck in a toilet.

Rachel Maddow Show

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while, however, I figured it was old news. But, the New York Times doesn't seem to think so with it's latest update on the run-away success of the Rachel Maddow Show. What I loved about this article is that they never once mention that Maddow is a completely out of the closet lesbian... because thats not what matters! What matters is that she's a Rhodes Scholar and that she 'doesn't own a TV' (well, maybe that doesn't actually matter...) and that she is kicking some major ass.
So, yeah, I can't really bring much more to the conversation except to add this quote from Maddow's AfterEllen.com interview:

“I think the responsibility that we have as gay Americans,” she says, “is to the extent that we can - and we ought to be really ambitious about the extent to which we can - we have to be out.”

“That’s the thing that we owe the people who came before us who are the pioneers, and that’s the thing we owe the next generation of gay people in terms of clearing the way and making life easier for them. I think that there is a moral imperative to be out, and I think that if you’re not out, you have to come to an ethical understanding with yourself why you are not. And it shouldn’t be something that is excused lightly. I don’t think that people should be forced out of the closet, but I think that every gay person, sort of, ought to push themselves in that regard. Because it’s not just you. It’s for the community and it’s for the country.”

You're thinking, 'Psh, eaiser said than done, Rachel Maddow.' But she is living a life that paves the way for a future in which, if someone is not trying to hide who they are, people just won't care... and if you're enough of a badass, they'll put you on network television and people will like you a lot more than all those blonde bimbo newscasters over on Fox.

Hey wait. That future is today.
Cool.

[Update]: But, wait, there's more!
Yeah, Maddow has graphic novels on her bedside table... if I wasn't majorly crushing before, I am now:

Retrosweater out.

Because "Naked assertions and stale fallacies for a prettied-up version of Calvinism" wasn’t a catchy-enough title

You may be wondering how it went with the rest of that insufferable book "The Reason for God." I have here a summary of the second half of it, which author Timothy Keller calls "The Reasons for Faith." How good are those reasons, you may ask? Well, if you want to judge for yourself, you could go back to the original source, but this is what I got out of it.

The Clues of God
Here are a few variations on the question-begging appeal to ignorance and anthropocentric retro-probabilistic speculations based on a poor understanding of the Anthropic Principle. Let’s see you dodge that, atheists! [Fatherly chuckle].

The Knowledge of God
I can’t understand how atheists get their morals; therefore they actually believe in God but are in denial. Also, despite the fact that this argument is so incredibly brilliant and convincing, I still found it necessary to include 13 other chapters in this book to persuade my readers of what I know they already know.

The Problem of Sin
If you base your life on anything but God, your identity will become unstable, and you will lose your self. Isn’t that scary? So hand over your identity to God, and get an entirely new self. This may sound even scarier than what I just tried to scare you away from, but it is what God expects of us.

Religion and the Gospel
Religious people think they can save themselves through good behavior. These people are actually worse sinners than everyone else, because they are self-righteous. But Christianity is not a Religion. It’s a Gospel. True Christians behave well because they are Saved, they don’t behave well in order to be saved. Therefore, they are not self-righteous.

The (True) Story of the Cross
Think about the last time you forgave someone. It hurt, didn’t it? It hurt Jesus too—and he showed it physically. He also had to suffer to show solidarity with us in our own suffering; he wouldn’t really be showing us love otherwise, because in order to understand what someone is going through, you have to go through it yourself. For example, if someone is bleeding, you cut yourself and bleed with them, you don’t just make meaningless pity-noises.

The Reality of the Resurrection
The Resurrection must have really happened because religious movements never gain any traction if they make false claims that people in the wider culture would find ridiculous.

The Dance of God
The Father loves the Son loves the Holy Spirit loves you! Come on, you know you want to believe it.

Epilogue: Where do we go from here?
It doesn’t matter if it isn’t clear to you how you’re going to be able to swallow the huge pile of garbage I’ve just dealt you. Just repent before God for all the times you’ve ever trusted anyone or anything but Him, join a True Christian church, and pray that it’ll sort itself out.

Like the city in Alaska

I got a kick out of this image, so I had to put it up.

Even though I feel guilty about contributing to the gossip feeding frenzy.

Making fun of religion makes me feel smart

My evangelical pen-pal "dared" me to read a book called "The Reason for God." The book jacket promises that the author "singlehandedly dismantles" every major objection to warmed-over neo-fundamentalist Christian orthodoxy. Singlehandedly dismantles! Wow! So I start reading this book, half-expecting my objections to be dismantled. Singlehandledly. By a guy who, it turns out, can't even get his head around the objections.

Spoiler alert: he fails epically. His efforts should only be expected to impress committed Christians who seek to allay their own lukewarm doubts, and perhaps a few non-Christians with malfunctioning baloney-detection systems.

There are really too many things wrong with this book to do it justice in a blog post, and my above-mentioned pen-pal can expect a more thoughtful and respectful response. But I have a deep-seated need to make fun of religious apologetics. So below, I offer you a flippant summary of Part 1, "The Leap of Doubt."

Critics allege: There can’t be just one true religion.
Keller responds: Yes, there can.

Critics allege: How could a good God allow suffering?
Keller responds: It builds character. But don’t worry; Jesus feels your pain.

Critics allege: Christianity is a straitjacket.
Keller responds: Freedom is slavery; slavery is freedom. Ta-da! Who’s in the straitjacket now?!?

Critics allege: The Church is responsible for so much injustice.
Keller responds: The Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. But it’s not a moral improvement program. Jesus invented compassion and all the values people use to critique Christianity, so you do not have your own grounds from which to critique Christianity anyway.

Critics allege: How can a loving God send people to Hell?
Keller responds: All wrongdoing must be punished. People who don’t believe in Hell just want to indulge their desire to sin without being accountable to anyone.

Critics allege: Science has disproved Christianity.
Keller responds: Richard Dawkins is SO mean. The existence of religious scientists like Francis Collins disproves his entire argument about the incompatibility of science and religion. Let’s draw the boundaries between science and religion here where I want them; then there will be no need for conflict between the two.

Critics allege: You can’t take the Bible literally.
Keller responds: Don’t get too caught up in controversies and those supposed contradictions; they’re like the shallow end of the pool. You’re better off diving right in off the deep end.


That's basically it. He even used a pool analogy in that last chapter in pretty much exactly that same way.

Spacesocks

Pleasant and Mildly Anxious

The notes my back doctor wrote about me go as such:

Pleasant, mildly anxious 21-year-old single female, well-dressed and well-nourished.

Mildly anxious? What? Am I really mildly anxious? I'm ok with 'pleasant', but geez. I guess I can be a bit nervous sometimes. My family has called me neurotic, and I can have mild panic attacks when I'm meeting new people...but am I really mildly anxious? This worries me, but not as much as well-nourished. Do you think she thinks I'm fat? But whatever. If she thinks a bird-shit-covered t-shirt is well dressed, then I can't take her too seriously. And if I ever join a dating website, this description will be pretty handy.

In other news, I'm seeing Flipper this week. They're this 80's hardcore punk band from San Fransisco. They're all in their forties now. I'm that cool.

Also, I just had this email conversation with my kid brother, and I'm only half joking. I'm thinking of actually going through with this.

Me: I'm thinking of introducing myself to strangers as 'Bob', because it's a lot more memoroable than my bland real name. what do you think?

Brother: hey bob. you have a very interesting name. i think i'll remember you now.

And finally, yesterday at work a lady pulled her credit card out of her boob, and I had to swipe it. Some people should be thrown into a pit and burned.

~Earflaps

The Summer of NPH

This summer has had many themes for me. It's been a summer of adventure, love and family. I've truly grown as a person.

On the other hand... and this is appropriately awkward, I've inadvertently become obsessed with Neal Patrick Harris.

I'll make my case.

1. It all started with Joss Whedon and his genius project, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. I've watched it more than once... it's pretty much the best thing to come from the Internet this summer. Every time I watch it, I'm at the edge of my seat rooting for the huggable Dr. Horrible.


2. Then came the realization that the videos on hulu.com are really swell. After some obsessive Buffy watching, I decided to cool off with some nice, refreshing Doogie Howser, MD. He was such a brilliant, lovable doctor...
they don't make medical shows like they used to.

2. Who could forget the NPH cameo in Harold and Kumar? Fantastic film, I watched it with my Chinese friend.

3. Then there was this piece of advertising genius from Old Spice.

4. Oh, and there is the TV show "How I Met Your Mother." I don't really watch TV at school, so I easily overlooked this show. However, I saw a couple episodes this summer and was charmed by the sitcom. It has that guy from "Freaks and Geeks" plus, Alyson Hannigan is wicked cute.

5. Finally, this article convinced me that Neal Patrick was worthy of a tribute in our blog. Neal is awesome and gay and I'm a huge fan of the awesome/gay combo.

Thanks for reading this,

-RS

Oh Em Geezies.

There could not be anything more frightening than this.

UPDATE: The Chihuahua movie was a huge success. According to this article, people are in the mood for escapism these days and even hunky stars like Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crow can't get them to go see a serious movie (especially not one about the Iraq War!). Wow, who whoulda thunk it?
Indicators like Chihuahua movies topping box office charts are really what tell us that we're in a declining empire.

Rarely do we ask: What do white people like?

So, today I sat in a bookstore read the entire book, Stuff White People Like.

It was quite funny, here is the website.

The book is written by a liberal middle to upper-middle class white guy in his, I suppose, 20's with a liberal arts education and a great understanding of behavior that is very "white." He humorously addresses a non-Caucasian audience giving tips on how to get in with the "right" kind of white people.

On the car ride back from the bookstore, I realized that I had to consciously remember that this summer was the summer of adventure and discovering India and family and figuring out what to do with my life and NOT the summer during which I sat in a book store and realized that I am a completely predictable, cookie-cutter, liberal, indie-music loving, Apple-product-brandishing ABCD (American Born Confused Desi). I like listening to NPR and reading the New York Times! And yes, I LOVE my useless Liberal Arts education!

There! Fine!

*deep breath* okay, calm now...

According to the book, I'm about 55% the "right" kind of white person... *shrug* at least I'm unpredictably not white, huh?


-Retrosweater

Smart People

Alright, this is more rant than review.
So, Smart People, as many of you know, is a quirky/independent, character-based film with the slow pace and the eccentric/depressed characters that are required for every movie in it's genre (like: Garden State or In Good Company). Most people would be drawn to the film by the actors, who have cross-genre/generational appeal:
Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica "Career woman looking for love" Parker, Thomas "I show my ass in every movie I'm in" Hayden Church and Ellen "Smart-ass-teen" Page.
Dennis Quaid's character is the center of the plot as a widower English Professor.
The film goes a little something like this (only with annoying guitar-pick background music that served only to make the film as tedious as possible):

Dennis: I'm an eccentric, pretentious jackass. Ow! I just got injured doing something mean and stupid.
Sarah: I'm your doctor, I'm witty and smart. I realllly want you to like me because you gave me a 'C' on a paper once.
Dennis: Date me.
Sarah: Okay... but wait, you're a total douchbag and you're old and self absorbed.
Dennis: Uh huh
Sarah: Oh, okay, fine, lets have sex
Audience: *barf*
Sarah: I'm here for Christmas dinner!
Ellen: Pay attention to me, damnit!
Dennis: Holy crap, I'm totally oblivious to what my children are doing! Oh well, I guess it's all good because I have a girlfriend now.
Sarah: I'm mad at you because you're a jackass. Bye.
Dennis: Oh balls!
Thomas: You're an oblivious loser. You're daughter has no friends and I'm pretty sure she's clinically depressed.
Dennis: *shrug* I want my girlfriend back...
Sarah: I'm pregnant with your baby (even though I have a degree in medicine and should really know how to use a condom). I've been ignoring you because you're an asshole.
Dennis: Well, I'm still an asshole.
Sarah: *smiles* aww, that was sweet.
Dennis: I love you.
Ellen: I think I'm just going to sulk off into a corner and wallow in self pity and maybe commit suicide.
Dennis: But babies are cute!
Ellen: Oh, okay, I'll smile then.

ABRUPT END.

Hope I didn't give away the entire plot of the movie to someone who might have wanted to watch it. Actually, that's a lie... this film is not really worth it's price in rental. This film is particularly painful because it had so much potential. This movie totally threw away important plots (like the ones about parenting and being a teenager) in favor of a completely unbelievable romance between Quaid and Parker (absolutely no Chemistry).
Page was wasted on this project...

At least the writers gave us this shallow message: You don't have to have any actual character growth in a movie about quirky intellectuals.

Sigh.

-Retrosweater

Why we should do more reviews?

Because I use my summers to gain culture by watching (mediocre lighthearted) movies, reading (mostly trashy-)novels and listening to tons of music (genre, you ask? I listen music that everyone who doesn't want to listen to music that "everybody" listens to... listens to). But I digress...

I think we should pack in as many reviews as possible before all of our sugary sweet pop-culture knowledge is replaced by the stock broccoli and asparagus of Comps and college.

Plus, that's what blogs do best- opinionate!

(I know that's not a verb, but it should be in this brave new world of Blogosphere, where everyone is worthy of their own Op-ed!)

So, yeah. I'm inspirational, huh?

Sincerely,

Retrosweater

Now, where to begin...?

Death of a Porn Star

I have sad news: one of the world's most influential adult film stars has died today in her Malibu apartment. Obviously the major news stations aren't covering the event, but the news is big in the blogosphere and underground news networks.

I know it seems strange to mourn a porn star, but hear me out. Like hundreds of others, I first read the story out of MTV-style curiosity, but it turns out she was one of the first actresses to demand that all her films depict safe sex, including the use of condoms and dental dams. That's significant, people!

Admittedly, she was also infamous for starring in 'gang-bangs', which can hardly be characterized as safe, and she was known for some...well, severely kinky stuff. Anyways, to see some pictures of her life and work, click the link below, but just be warned that not all are safe for work!

Candy Johnson

~Earflaps

The Joker.

I wonder at how I use my freetime. ~Earflaps

P.S. I need to see that movie again asap, but it's hard to find movie buddies when your roommates decide to spend the summer in different states and then travel to India. Bastards. At least I have the internet to keep me company. And depressing Seattle grunge....I need to stop listening to local rock. Next week, hippie music!

Review of Mélange of Dances

Oh and this review was published as well:
July 7th, in the Ravindra Bharati theatre Hyderabadis were given a unique cross-cultural experience: an east-west fusion dance show. The show combined classical Kuchipudi dance with contemporary western ballet-based dance. Three young and ambitious dancers choreographed the entire performance, which was possible because of a joint effort between the Alliance Francaise of Hyderabad, the Department of Culture of Andhra Pradesh and the French Embassy. These three dancers intended to give life to a new style of dance; they wanted to make, according to the dancer Sheik Haleem, “something new to show what we are.”
The dancers were successful at attaining this goal, Haleem especially shined brightly in front of an eager audience. The show was divided into two parts. Each section began with a group Kuchipudi dance in which a group of female dancers introduced the three stars, Haleem, Koka Vijaylaksmi and Maia Bouthors. In the first section, the three artists demonstrate their individual dance expertise. Dressed in traditional garb, the two Kuchipudi dancers, Vijaylaksmi and Haleem, brought cheers from the crowded auditorium with their expressive and powerful movements. The western dressed Bouthors, then displayed expertise in combining her classical ballet training and the freedom of contemporary dance to tell emotion filled stories. The combination seemed a bit shaky during her first dance, but Maia redeemed herself in her second appearance with windswept grace and emotion. The first half of the performance displayed each individual’s dance style and contrasted the abrupt movements of Kuchipudi with the free flow of western ballet. The second half of the show would combine the two into an extravagant fusion.
The second half started exactly as the first had, with the same dance. The only differences were in costumes; the dancers were color coordinated allowing further expectations of a united style. I was worried. How could these three young people, one Christian, one Muslim and one Hindu, combine such contrary dance forms? I was expecting Frankenstein’s monster to emerge out of an explosion of cultural differences. What I saw, however, was fantastic and magical. It was clear that each dancer had taken the initiative to thoroughly understand and practice the other’s art. The fusion dances were unstoppable and gorgeous. Their talent and combined effort allowed these young artists to create something unforgettable that can be appreciated across borders, languages and cultures.

Sleepless in Hyderabad

Here is an article that RetroSweater wrote that got published in the Indian Express "Expresso" Magazine:
When the average citizens are snug in their beds in the wee hours of the morning, there are certain professionals who are just getting to work. In today’s fast paced world, it has become common to judge how busy a person is by how much sleep they get. Those getting little to no sleep are usually believed to be the busiest or most accomplished people. We wanted to know more about these night owls and the effects of sleeplessness on the Hyderabadi professional. Experts say that the lack of proper sleep can cause several problems with one’s work. Constant drowsiness aside, there can also be difficulty concentrating on work tasks, memory lapses, poor performance and moodiness. Plus,
‘Lack of sleep and neglect of sleep can cause several other problems like obesity and hormonal changes’ according to Dr. Vindhya of Apollo Hospital.
There is nothing routine about being a surgeon and the ability to adjust to a stressful and demanding lifestyle is what differentiates this profession from any other. As Dr. Tripti Deb puts it, “there’s no schedule, you have to be versatile. Whatever comes you have to take it.” Constantly engaged in several other practices outside their main domain, the primary complaint of many is that they are left with no time for family. Even on an officially declared holiday, an emergency trumps family clearly indicating the inability of today’s professionals to ‘switch off’. According to Head Constable of the Police Department, night calls can last the duration of the night, “Night calls come once or twice a week after which I go home, have something to eat and come back to work.”
Then there are BPO employees, the perfect example of an entire generation of sleep-deprived young professionals. “It’s not easy to get a restful sleep during the day because there are a lot of distractions and I get a maximum of 4 hours sleep. I have to get up by 10am because there are responsibilities to be seen to,” says Madiha Ahmedi of HSBC. Students catching just four to five hours of sleep a day in an attempt to balance work and studies end up missing out on their social life, “I don’t have time to spend with friends because I catch up on my sleep during the weekends off!” says Madiha.
One can easily see that the result of such a hectic and unbalanced schedule could lead people to burn out early in life. However, there is some hope in getting rest without having to change careers. Looking at the active and energetic Senior Cardiologist, Dr. Tripti Deb, one would never expect that she sometimes takes on 72-hour work shifts, nor would you expect that she takes naps and does yoga between patients. According to this vivacious doctor, the key to functioning without sleep is a healthy lifestyle.
Her diet consists of, not copious amounts of coffee, but rather antioxidants (found in green tea), green veggies and an overall “rainbow diet” of fruits. She also practices yoga, including the techniques of Shavasana (also known as ‘corps pose’) and Yoga Nidra, which translates to ‘sleep of the yogis.’ To this doctor, regarding sleep as well as family “it’s not how much time you spend, it’s the quality time you spend.” Approaching a challenging work life as this with a positive attitude, taking it all in one’s stride helps to keep focused and fresh when meeting the high demands of work in today’s Hydrabad.

RetroSweater is in INDIA

So, I was writing an e-mail to my dear friend, Earflaps, from my wonderful Newspaper Internship slash family visiting vacation in India.

Her response to my e-mail:

Retrosweater, you lazy ass! You take what you just wrote me, and you go put
that shit on our blog.

_____
Here goes:

I did celebrate the 4th of July, even though I'm not in the US.
I went out and got smashingly drunk with my host mom (or,
rather, the woman who I'm staying with while I do my internship).

I think I'm in love with her (in a 'please adopt me' or 'be my best
friend'-kind of way) and her family.

She's a single mom with a thirteen year old boy that she spoils
completely (who recently went off to boarding school in tears, but
comes home every weekend anyways). Also, her elderly mother also
living in their house and we have great conversations.

Man, if divorce seems tough in the US (which, it actually doesn't
really... unless one party makes it tough), it's an outright crime in
India... really really sucks for this woman. She's become the 'black
sheep' of her family and she constantly faces uphill battles with
institutions (school forms that ONLY ask for the father's name; the
fact that the fathers here don't have to help in any way in raising
children if there is a divorce) and people (who see her differently
because she is divorced) and a bleak dating scene.

But, she's one of those crazy-strong and hilariously funny people who
fights stubbornly (getting that one school to change the form to
'parent's name') and being successful (managing this state's branch
of the 'Female Condom Project' to promote safe-sex and prevent the
spread of HIV/AIDS) and raising a really cool kid.

Frankly, i like the people I'm staying with more than any of the
people I'm actually related (many of whom live in this city). This is
with the exception of my cousin Naveen, who put me in this house
because he thought his home was too small to accommodate me (which, at
first, I was really pissed off  about because it seems really silly,
I'm a small person... now I'm glad because I got to meet this lady and
her kid).

Anyway, last weekend I went to spend time with another cousin and her
two daughters, both of whom are my age. I left on Saturday afternoon
and it was assumed that I would stay until Monday morning. I was
really psyched because, other than work, I hadn't been able to see
people my age in the evenings or just to hang out.
Upon arrival I realized that there was no way in hell that i would
sleep there for two nights. Mostly because they treated me like I
was from space. They were a tiny bit mean about it too. They
assumed i didn't understand any Telugu, even though I told them that
I did... so they would talk about me, in front of me and laugh at
what they said IN A LANGUAGE I CAN UNDERSTAND! Every time I would say
some thing in Telugu, they would get all amused and 'aww thats so
cute', so I stopped. Instead I spoke only in English and pretended to
not understand what they were saying, which, half the time they would
whisper and speak really quickly to each other RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
and I really didn't understand them. Then they were really really
patronizing. Like, I ended up naming the younger cousin (who is
exactly my age and speaks great English) 'Capt. Obvious' because she
would keep pointing to foods and objects that I KNOW and tell me
their names. Worst example, while on a bus, she points out the window:
"That is a fruit Maar-ket, there they sell fruits."
I was like, 'right, thanks, I can see'

Ugh, and I have to go back next weekend again... Sat through
Monday... 'cause more relatives are going to meet me there (which is
nice, I just can't stand these people who are my age).

Oh, and at the house, the Capt. showed me some 200 pictures (she
called them "pics") on the computer OF HERSELF... then occasionally,
especially if there were other people in the picture, she would turn
to  me and ask "can you tell which is me?"
And I'd think, hmm... well.. I know you... and I've already seen
about forty pictures of you, during which you would point and say,
"this is me"... hmm... maybe I'll use the process of freaking
elimination. Or maybe I'll just assume that you're the one that looks
like YOU! WHICH IS CRAZY! 'Cause you're weird looking.

Once I had the strong desire to get really really serious and worried
and ask "if you're in the picture, how can you also be sitting here?"

Maybe next time.

Now, I'll get back to work.
Peace,

Retrosweater (your resident American Born Confused Desi- ABCD)

Cobain

Last night I felt like photoshopping, but as I had no internet I ended up mucking around with my desktop picture (Nirvana [I like it because Cobain is in a cheerleader outfit and Grohl's leather shirt doesn't fit]). This was the result. Unfortunately, the caption came to me in a short-lived moment of clarity and now I don't remember what the deeper meaning was supposed to be.

I Was a Kangaroo Being Chased by a Dinosaur in a Mall Last Night

I just rediscovered this almost forgotten blog, and would like to place a piece of mindtrash onto it.

Last night I dreamed I was a kangaroo being chased by three T-rexs in a shopping mall. It wasn't fun; not a scary dream, but definitely a frustrating dream, because no matter how much I tried to run or hide, they kept finding me again. Even when I leapt down whole flights of escalators, they would make a very dramatic roar and fling their tiny arms around and jump down right behind me, their massive teeth almost crushing me.

Someone had set them on me, but I don't remember that part of the dream, (the part that gives explanation). I DO remember I finally escaped the mall to the outdoor city, where the crowds of people and intricate streets made it harder for them to smell me and hone in. I was human at this point, not a kangaroo. I thought I should get in a taxi, so I did so, and that helped me escape them even further. Another taxi, and damn, I realized the three people in the taxi were the T-rexes in their human form. Fortunately, they couldn't recognize me or smell me as humans, so I just had to keep up the ruse.

Turns out the three T-rexes ran a guitar/metal band store on a small street in that city, and I thought of a great way to fool them. They walked out one day, wondering why their usual hangers-on weren't around, and they discovered I had opened a 'green' environmentally friendly 'rock metal' store just down the street! Our 'green' guitars attracted all those young hippies, and the store was also spiritual. So they walk out of their store with the thrasher metal playing and find a bunch of young Christians belting songs to Jesus into a microphone down the street. Business was booming; I'd covered the Jesus-lovers and the green-nuts.

The T-rexes went out of business.

Awesomeness

Alright, so I just saw a talk by Dennis Cass, former Carleton grad/journalist/author/blogger, about being awesome. So awesome that employers can't not notice you and give you a job. Now, Earflaps is well on the path of awesomeness. This was even mentioned in the talk.

Anyway, it was very motivating for me to blog about this talk, 'cause being awesome would be really... well... great. So, yeah... thats all I've got... a whole lot of awkward with a tiny bit of awesome.

Doctor Dave and Steve

One particularly harsh winters eve, Retrosweater felt compelled to write this skit. She was inspired by an awesome dinner conversation with Spacesocks.

Doctor Dave enters the room

D: Oh, hello… looks down at file… Mr. Stevens
S: Yeah, you can call me Steve. Um, where’s Dr. Susan?
D: Oh well, I really couldn’t tell you. I guess that’s one of those things that’s up to your and your supposed “beliefs”… I mean, I’d like to think that it all just ends and that our bodies are simply fertilizer- to provide for the nature from whence we came.
S: OH, oh my.. she’s… I’m so sorry to hear that!
D: Don’t be sorry big smile I mean, you didn’t kill her or anything. Wink.
S: Uhhh horrified
D: Anyway, Steve, I’m looking at your file here. It seems you came in for a really bad cold?
S: Yeah, I’ve had it for weeks and was starting to get worried.
D: Well, Steve, its good that you came in.
S: Yeah? Alarmed
D sits down and leans forward meaningfully
D: Steve, now, we humans go through life never really knowing when it’ll all end and constantly fearing that death is lurking around every corner. You know what I mean, Steve?
S: Uh, I guess? Shakes head ‘no’
D: Well, Steve, you’re a really lucky guy. You now know that you have exactly five days before you.. you know? Bite the proverbial dust. Broad smile.
S: Wha- What!?
D: Now, Steve, this is no reason to panic. I’m pretty much certain that this happens all the time, there comes a time in every man’s life when he does die.
S: But… I…freaking out.
D: Now, Steve, as I see it, you have a couple of options. You could sit around and deteriorate into nothing. OR you could have the best damn week of your life! Arm punch
I mean, go out there and see what you’ve always wanted to see and try out all those sex positions your girlfriend would never let you try! Sky dive! Take all the risks you’d like to take and write some fucking letters!
S slowly gets more and more inspired. Shakes his head and jumps up.
S grabbing jacket and running out of the room: All right doc. I guess I’ll see you… never!
S starts to run off
D calling after: And I’ll see you in the obituaries!
D sits down looking pleased
Enter nurse
N: Doc, what was up with that Steve kid leaving in such a hurry? Anything wrong?
D: Well, Thelma, its just that I’m retiring next week and I thought I’d go out with a bang, if you know what I mean.
Skips out of the room.
N: Um… sure? shrugs

Clever, clever

To continue today's poetry theme, Spacesocks would like to share a poem she wrote with a friend at a math meet during her senior year of high school.

Clever, clever, nasty weather;
that’s why we must all wear leather,
or lacking that, then maybe pleather
unless you choose a coat of feather,
or tie on a furnace with a tether,
and then we’ll all stay warm together.

A List

Here is a list poem Retrosweater wrote for ninth grade english class. She read it out loud for "Father's Morning" and it was a big hit with everyone's dad but her own. Her dad had to step out for a conference call.

List Poem

Birthdays 

Big Macs

The city air

Video games

Moisture

Second hand smoke

Television

Sunlight

The carpet Fumes

Things 

That are slowly

Killing you

Poems that Earflaps wrote in middleschool

From a young age, you can see I displayed an innate proficiency with language.

----------------

Part 1

There once was a dancer named Earl

Who out on the stage liked to twirl

He thought this was fun,

So he spun and he spun

Until he was prompted to hurl

Part 2

Now it happened that Earl had a girl

Who witnessed his stomach unfurl

Mashed macaroni

And digested baloney

Convinced her to marry John Burl

--------------------------------------

I look at you and suddenly

Something in your face I see

Tells me you've got leprosy

Inaugural Post

I would like to explain that I am actually three people. I know what you're thinking...and you're wrong, because schizophrenia is NOT multiple personality disorder. The three of me will be referring to ourself as Earflaps, Retrosweater, and Spacesocks.