weekend planzzz

friday night with me and da grlz
we bash people we secretly admire
throwing on thrifty skinny jeans and deliberate tunics

vintage sunglasses leading us
to the local applebee's
sipping sugary pitcher margaritas
grlz pregaming facilitates meaningful discussions

we oh so confident in our hipstah gear

those aber-zombies don't got nuthin on us

head to da club
where we scoff at popular mainstream tunes
once in a while indie bloghouse blasts
we clap with joy and git up to dance
mouthing the lyrics to the songs, fake-lip-syncing for the parts we don't know

whispers and giggles
a mediocre boy approaches our friend
the virgin pro-lifer in the 50's dress
she doesn't smoke our hand-rolled cigarettes


the night will end when
our average boyfriends don't respond to our sexting
stumble back home and warm up leftover pizza
we convince ourselves-- what a great time!

i wake at 3AM and run to the b-room
vomit
i flush the contents of the night down the toilet

let's stay togethah

i'm trying to convince 2 of my housemates not to leave for their political economy seminar in beijing, so i've compiled this list.

top 5 reasons why northfield is bettah than beijing:
5) you will be a spectacle among a sea of yellow faces (people will ask you for money based on the color of your skin ie. YOU WILL PERPETUATE RACISM)
4) malt-o-meal doesn't kill babies (TOASTY O'S > DEADLY BABY FORMULA)
3) rg is a misogynist (many people see the opportunity to make a professor friend as a plus of going on a carleton program, but you will soon regret your decision once he makes the women sit at another table in a chic urban beijing bar)
2) you will miss various superior en masse drinking events at carleton (ie. spring concert and rotblatt) for various inferior small-gathering drinking events in beijing
1) now for the #1 reason why northfield is bettah than beijing: because i'm here ^.^

love, Nopants

bush be gone!

R.I.P. Reign of Dubya (2001-2009)

Nopants and Outlet Maps

Hey folks. So yesterday morning, I walked into the kitchen still groggy from waking up and the conversation between me and my dad goes like this.

d: YOU NEVER WEAR NO PANTS ANYMORE
me: Huh? Yeah I do
d: Not since you've been home.... well... I guess this is better than when all you wore were those baggy gangster jeans and thought you were going to be a soccer player hahaa! Now you wear no pants! No pants heeheheee.

ATROCITY! I never wore baggy gangsta jeans! Oh, and yeah THANKS FOR SHATTERING MY DREAMS DAD! Now my parents are calling me Nopants. I guess that's healthy if you don't want your daughter to practice abstinence. Fine.

Since I came home I have encountered something so horrible and traumatizing that I wouldn't want to subject anyone to this horror. Ok fine, well here goes. I have now fully realized the extent of...my mother's...

...OBSESSION WITH CHRISTMAS AND ALL THINGS HOLIDAY CHEER AAAAAHHHHRGG!

The minute I walked inside, it was like as if Santa fucking vomited everywhere in my house. Oh, and also took a mother lode of a crap. Gross.

I was coerced into putting up Christmas lights outside my house with my mother. She also drew a map of all the outlets that would need to be connected. Please observe and enjoy the image at the top.

We ran out of lights so the left side of my house looks great, and the right side looks like as if someone left to take a break and then just died.

Love, Nopants