Hey folks. So yesterday morning, I walked into the kitchen still groggy from waking up and the conversation between me and my dad goes like this.
d: YOU NEVER WEAR NO PANTS ANYMORE
me: Huh? Yeah I do
d: Not since you've been home.... well... I guess this is better than when all you wore were those baggy gangster jeans and thought you were going to be a soccer player hahaa! Now you wear no pants! No pants heeheheee.
ATROCITY! I never wore baggy gangsta jeans! Oh, and yeah THANKS FOR SHATTERING MY DREAMS DAD! Now my parents are calling me Nopants. I guess that's healthy if you don't want your daughter to practice abstinence. Fine.
Since I came home I have encountered something so horrible and traumatizing that I wouldn't want to subject anyone to this horror. Ok fine, well here goes. I have now fully realized the extent of...my mother's...
...OBSESSION WITH CHRISTMAS AND ALL THINGS HOLIDAY CHEER AAAAAHHHHRGG!
The minute I walked inside, it was like as if Santa fucking vomited everywhere in my house. Oh, and also took a mother lode of a crap. Gross.
I was coerced into putting up Christmas lights outside my house with my mother. She also drew a map of all the outlets that would need to be connected. Please observe and enjoy the image at the top.
We ran out of lights so the left side of my house looks great, and the right side looks like as if someone left to take a break and then just died.
Love, Nopants
4 comments:
well... I guess this is better than when all you wore were those baggy gangster jeans and thought you were going to be a soccer player hahaa!
Ha! Oh Dad, if only you knew what that *really* meant...
hahaha thats awesome. welcome nopants! yay!
Oh, and we all know that an increased "underwear radius" is a sign of low self esteem (thanks to Marshall)- so, how are you doing?
I have actually seen you with no pants.
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